


You don't know what to do now you lost her.

by AlyxJamieRae



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Based on the Promo pic for Perry, I really am so sorry, I'm so sorry, Other, Suicide, mention of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4055758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyxJamieRae/pseuds/AlyxJamieRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically I saw the promo pic for Perry and to me it looked like she has been hanged so this happened. I'm sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't know what to do now you lost her.

_You hadn't even noticed that anything was seriously wrong with Perry. There was nothing out of the usual, she was still constantly telling everyone to just be normal, she was still mothering everyone, she was still the same person she had always been, but there was a darkness she had been hiding. You hadn't noticed that your best friend was in such a sate that she had contemplated taking her life in the past. You were so wrapped up in getting her to understand who you were, that you ignored her struggles. You ignored all the little things that might have let you see just how depressed Perry really was._

_You feel awful for not being there for her. You feel awful for only thinking of yourself and not paying more attention to your best friend, to the girl you loved. You haven't really slept in days, every time you close your eyes you see her. Her lifeless body hanging in her room. You tired to save her, tried to bring her back, but she was already gone. You practically forced Carmilla to try and turn her, you learnt that day that Carmilla didn't know how to turn someone. You blamed yourself for Perry's death. You haven't left your bed in days, you know you should eat something._

_Perry was always the one to make sure you ate something when you were working hard on a project, she was the one that made sure Laura ate something when Carmilla had 'died.' Laura came round a couple times, she tried to comfort you. You know she understands, she lost her mother a few years back, depression took her as well, but you don't know how to let her help you. You want Perry back. You want to forget about everything. You want your life to go back to normal. Back to when you and Perry were having late night movie nights, back when Perry was making sure you were eating and sleeping. Back to when Perry was just always.. There._

_Her funeral is in a few days. You don't think you could face it. You know you have to though, you have to say your sorry, to say goodbye. Her mother had come to Silas when she heard about Perry. You hadn't seen the woman in a few months, she suddenly looked much older. You hadn't said anything to her, and she hadn't said anything to you, you both understood that you both loved Perry and miss her. You still haven't see Perry's father, her mother told you that he couldn't face going to the place that took his little girl away. You can understand that._

_You threw a fit when Perry's room was being cleared out. In the end all her stuff ended up in your room. That was a mistake, every where you look is Perry. Boxes upon boxes of her things, her clothes, books, everything, were littering your room. You couldn't let them throw it out though, not Perry's things. You understand now why Laura had kept the carton of blood when Carmilla was gone. Carmilla's stuff had been taken without Laura knowing, the only thing that was left was the carton of blood. You couldn't bare to have just one thing of Perry's._

_You close your eyes and let the tears fall. You don't remember ever crying as much as you have since you found Perry's body. You think that's the hardest thing. You found her. You found the note she left. You found her apology, though she had nothing to apologize for. It's not her fault she was depressed, it's not her fault it all got too much for her to handle, it's not her fault she couldn't talk to you, open up to you. It's your fault. You abandoned Perry long before you realized you had. You abandoned her the moment you started figuring yourself out._

_You left her to deal with everything on her own, while forcing her to understand you. You know now why she wanted everything to be normal. She wanted to go back to the simple times. To when you were just kids, playing in your back yard, Perry complaining about the mud and dirt on your clothes, you trying to get her just as dirty as you had been, her crossing her arms and scowling at you when your mother forced you both to shower outside with a hose after tracking mud through the house._

_You want that too now. You want Perry back. But she's gone. Perry is gone. She's gone and you never got to tell her what she really meant to you. You never got a chance with her. You'll never get that chance. You'll never hear her complain again. You'll never hear her worrying over the little things. You'll never hear her talking sweetly and softly to you when your ill. You'll never see her smile again. You'll never hear her laugh again. You'll forget the sound of her voice. You'll forget the little things. The little things you took for granted with Perry._

_She's gone. Perry is gone. Perry took her own life. You found her. You'll never forget the lifeless look in her eyes. You'll never forget the feel of her cold skin as you held her body to you. You'll never forget the way her hair looked limp, just like the rest of her. You'll never forget how peaceful she looked. Perry's gone and you never told her you love her. You'll never tell her you love her. She'll never hear those words from you and know the true meaning behind them._

_"I love you. I miss you. Come back."_


End file.
